Wounded Healer – Part Two

woundedhealer2My turbulent nightmare began to still some time before I allowed even a hint of pain or uncertainty to show in public. But even then I needed long, quiet months to allow the wounds to begin to heal.

Some readers may recall my not-quite-planned 60 day Bible read-through this past winter. I may not have planned the timing and the speed of that journey through Scripture, but there is no doubt that Someone knew exactly what I would need. In “31 Days of Praise: Enjoying God Anew”, Ruth Myers–who lost her first husband to cancer–writes:

I found immense comfort as I expressed to the Lord my grief at losing my loved one, and then let Him speak words of love to my heart. It seemed that God used sorrow and loneliness and perplexities to stretch out spaces in my heart for deeper joy than I’d known before–especially the joy of loving and praising Him.

God spoke words of love to my heart many times through my reading. Often the passages directly addressed the bizarre, heart-breaking, and frightening circumstances in which I found myself. One especially precious chapter was Isaiah 54. I witnessed these verses play out as beautiful truth in my life. The Lord’s gentle care never showed itself so evident as in this darkness.

A portion of the chapter reads:

Sing, O barren one, who did not bear;
break forth into singing and cry aloud,
you who have not been in labor.
Fear not, for you will not be ashamed;
be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced;
for you will forget the shame of your youth,
and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.
For your Maker is your husband,
the LORD of hosts is his name.
For the LORD has called you
like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit,
like a wife of youth when she is cast off.
No weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed,
and you shall confute every tongue that rises against you in judgment.
This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD
and their vindication from me, declares the LORD.

Several authors who wrote out of their own grief both comforted my heart and solidified lessons God taught me:

The decision to face the darkness, even if it led to overwhelming pain, showed me that the experience of loss itself does not have to be the defining moment of our lives. I did not go through pain and come out on the other side; instead I lived in it and found within that pain the grace to survive and eventually grow.

The choice to enter the darkness does not ensure we ever completely come out the other side. I am not sure we can or should – Jerry Sitser, “A Grace Disguised”, 45, 46

And even if it were granted that insurances against heartbreak were our highest wisdom, does God Himself offer them? Apparently not. We draw nearer to God, then, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him. To love at all is to be vulnerable. If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it. – C.S. Lewis, “The Four Loves”, 170

As one friend wrote: “As with all of life, this situation isn’t just about this situation; it’s about the Gospel and about ultimate reality. It’s about how the circumstances of our lives reflect or explain God’s character and His salvation plan. There is a big picture here going on, and though we can’t see it yet, it’s there.”

People continue to remind and encourage me that “you will dance again” which is an especially apt and vivid word picture for this lifelong lover of ballet, ballroom, and folk dancing. Another marvelous paradox: a dancer who is wounded yet called to dance all the same.

I imagine future dancing will appear different from any I have done before; as all dancers know, injury will affect your movements. This is true even if you fully recover from a physical injury, if only because your body learned to adapt and compensate during the season of healing.

For now, my steps are tentative, careful, and slow. Yet I am trying to dance all the same–albeit with some cringing. I dance because I know to Whom I belong: the One Who has protected me, strengthened me, and carried me every step I could not take myself. It is all a testimony to the grace and restoration our King works.

Some of the restoration will not be revealed until I get to go Home, but I believe the beauty will return. In some ways, it already has. Perhaps in the most important ways the beauty could never be lost. As C.S. Lewis wrote, even the suffering in love can be an acceptable and worthy offering to our King. For now, it is enough.

Read the entire series.

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5 thoughts on “Wounded Healer – Part Two

  1. To have a sympathizing God we must have a suffering Saviour, and there is no true fellow-feeling with another save in the heart of him who has been afflicted like him.

    We cannot do good to others save at a cost to ourselves, and our afflictions are the price we must pay for our ability to sympathize. He who would be a helper, must first be a sufferer. He who would be a saviour must somewhere and somehow have been on a cross; and we cannot have the highest happiness of life in succoring others without tasting the cup which Jesus drank, and submitting to the baptism wherewith He was baptized.
    From one of my dear companions on the Journey—Streams in the Desert, July 19th

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  2. Natalie thank you so much for reposting this,, it was beautiful to see how far God has brought you from ashes, how he rebuilt you, how he refined you like fire..You remind me of me in some ways, God sometimes has to use fire*stormy times in our lives* to refine us…and sometimes what it takes is fire.

    I feel so strange in my walk with God, there is a barrier between the Lord and I, and i am the one that made it so, please my dear friend pray that God will help me break through this fear and through this barrier and get even much closer to Him than i am now…
    I could go into details for hours about what the barriers are, but my walk had a lot of highs and lows these past 2 weeks, so please pray that God will refine me and mold me in any WAY He sees fit. But i do pray it’s through gentleness and not fire.

    Because i’ll be honest with you Natalie…after rereading The Wounded Healer part 1..i kept hearing over and over from God the last few days the same question..He kept asking me too…today even “Will you be my wounded Healer?””

    and honestly this leaves me confused….because i never thought that would be my role, i always thought my role was to be in the ministry, and in service and in encouraging others in their walk…But wounded healer?

    I just don’t think i am fit for the job, nor do i understand what IT means directly for me and my life.

    Please Please Natalie pray for God to give me guidance and direction and good discernment in my life and for him to take all that confusion and all that disobedience out of the way…And Pray that i stay strong and rooted in the Word of Christ and make more quiet time for Him..:)

    thank you hun!!

    this is enough for today..sorry this was so long!

    I meant for this to be shorter, sorry!

    talk soon!

    Blessings & HUGS!

    In His Love, Jane

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  3. Archived Comments:

    Sara G said…
    Natalie, I am so sorry for what happened. I am starting a cyber hug! If anyone wants to do it, at the end of your comment, say: HUGGING YOU! Thanks! I am praying for u Natalie, and I am sure God hears all our prayers! Remember, he never lets one sparrow fall without him knowing!
    ~Sara G~

    12:13 PM
    Jennifer said…
    Dearest Natalie,
    Thank you for sharing a bit about this past season of your life. Your incredible attitude and joy in spite of circumstances is an amazing example to me. Much love and prayers, Jennifer Straw

    Lauren said…
    How heartbreaking, Natalie. I’ll keep both of you in my prayers! Trust in the Lord, and acknowledge him, and He will direct your paths!
    ~Lauren

    1:56 AM
    Anna Traver said…
    Psalm 71
    God the Rock of Salvation
    1 In You, O LORD, I put my trust;
    Let me never be put to shame.
    2 Deliver me in Your righteousness, and cause me to escape;
    Incline Your ear to me, and save me.
    3 Be my strong refuge,
    To which I may resort continually;
    You have given the commandment to save me,
    For You are my rock and my fortress.
    4 Deliver me, O my God, out of the hand of the wicked,
    Out of the hand of the unrighteous and cruel man.
    5 For You are my hope, O Lord GOD;
    You are my trust from my youth.
    6 By You I have been upheld from birth;
    You are He who took me out of my mother’s womb.
    My praise shall be continually of You.
    7 I have become as a wonder to many,
    But You are my strong refuge.
    8 Let my mouth be filled with Your praise
    And with Your glory all the day.

    2:21 PM
    Anonymous said…
    Natalie, my thoughts and prayers are with you. It is hard to understand sometimes why life turns out do differently than we imagine it will be. May God who knows every detail of the past, present, and future be your hope, expectation, and song in this time of sorrow. I don’t have any grand advice to give but if I could reach over and give you a hug I would. Sarah

    10:39 PM
    annejisca said…
    Natalie dear, I am praying for you. My heart is breaking for you. *hugs*

    9:03 AM
    Anonymous said…
    “He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in Him will I trust. Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence. He shall cover thee with his feathers; and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.” (Psalm 91:1-4)

    I have been reading this blog for awhile but have never commented until now. Natalie, you are in my thoughts and prayers. My heart aches for you. Thank you for your testimony of looking to Christ even in these hard times. May the Lord bless you with His perfect peace that passes all understanding.
    Your sister in Christ,
    Cristina

    8:49 PM
    nmetzler said…
    These words from a song by Waterdeep helped me through a terrible heart-breaking time in my life. May it encourage you as well.

    You have names for all Your stars
    You heal my wounds and kiss my scars
    You sing a million songs over me

    May you hear him whispering your name. May your wounds be healed and your scars kissed. May you hear him singing over her…

    And may God teach you to dance in the midst of your heartache- for that, I believe, is the most beautiful dance of all.
    Blessings,
    Natasha

    9:50 PM
    Emily P said…
    Dearest Natalie,
    Do you know the old Steve Green song based on Philippians 1:6 that says,

    “He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. He who started the work will be faithful to complete it in you.”

    This song is running through my head as I pray for you. What a comfort that our hope is in our loving Daddy.

    I am crying with you, beseeching God for you, grieving yet confident that He has a wonderful plan for your life. He WILL be faithful to complete it.

    Someday, in heaven, I will give you a big hug!
    Love always,
    Emily

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  4. Archived Comments:

    Elizabeth said…
    All I can say is that I’m praying for you and though I don’t even know you my heart hurt and ached deeply when I heard what you have gone through. May God bless you for the God glorifying way you have approached this situation. He is able.

    8:22 AM
    Keri said…
    Natalie,
    You have become a contemporary heroine of mine, and I want to let you know that I will be lifting you up before our Father, as well. Every one of your posts have been excellent, poignant, and helpful. I look forward to the day when you can join us again :) But until then, I hope that you will find rest and peace in His hands.
    Keri

    10:43 AM
    Lady Jeanne said…
    Hey sweet Natalie, you’ve been on my heart and in my prayers these several months since you first hinted that you were going through something. I’ll keep on, and I’ll praise God for the glory He is showing forth and will in your life.

    11:00 AM
    Alexandra said…
    Natalie,
    My tears and prayers are with you. You have been such an encouragement in my life through your posts and Quest for the High Places. My heart is breaking for you, but praise the Lord that he is in control. (((Hugs))), precious sister-in-Christ.
    Love in Christ, Alexandra

    11:46 AM
    Laura Anne said…
    Dear Natalie,
    My words are nothing new…so much of what has been said by the others echoes my own heart. I think of you as a friend and I grieve for you as a friend.
    May God send continue to send you the grace and strength you need.
    In Him who holds our hearts,
    Laura

    3:27 PM
    Tiffany of Dixie said…
    Dearest sister in the Lord,
    May the Giver of all grace, life, and love continue to hold you in the palm of His hands. Remember that His way is perfect. We may not see His purpose, but we are not told to see, only to know.

    “For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name.” (Is. 54:55) Your Savior, your First Love and Best-Beloved, will ever keep you as the apple of His eye.

    We have never met and probably never will, but I weep for you, ache for you, and pray for you.
    In His name and by His grace,
    Tiffany

    3:50 PM
    Anonymous said…
    Dear sister in Christ,
    I thought I was going through a rough time. Your words reminded me that there are others who are going through much worse “troubles” than I am. Thanks for writing, for sharing your heart and pain with us all, for reminding us that no matter what we are going through there are others who are struggling too. That in these “troubles” we are not alone. The Father is right there and He will uphold us. God bless you an keep you through this all. In Him,
    “God’s Girl”

    5:42 PM
    Christina said…
    Dear, dear Natalie. My heart aches for you, and I’ve wanted to curl up and cry for you. I cannot imagine the anguish you are going through. Please know that you are in my prayers and thoughts. May the Lord hold you tight. *hugs*

    7:05 PM
    joyfullyhis said…
    Dear sweet Natalie,
    I have no words to truly describe how my heart has been aching and weeping for you and all the trials, sorrows and heartaches you’ve been through these past few years….. and like my sister said, if we could, we would gather around you physically to hug and pray for you. But please know that we are praying for you often.
    It’s such a shock to see things are now much different than I thought they would be…. I’m sure it was/is quite the shock to you as well….. life seems so cruel at times and we live in a fallen world.
    But God knows and He is there with you. Always.
    Your faith in Christ is so very strong and you’ve always been such an encouragement to me. You are always pointing us back to God and His plan for our lives….. I love that.
    And I admire your courage to share with us- the “public” world.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you daily.
    May God Heal your wounds and Bless you immensely.
    ((Hugs))
    In Christ,
    Samantha

    7:13 PM
    Renée ~ said…
    Natalie,
    For several months I had thought that something was going on, and for the same amount of time, I could sense, from your words, much more of a peace than you have spoken of during other “hard times.” God must be doing powerful things with you and in you! His grace is marvelous; to Him be the glory!
    Renee

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  5. Archived Comments:

    Father’s Grace Ministries said…
    Your last 2 posts have brought tears to my eyes- not just because of the suffering you’ve endured- but the sweet maturity and shining testimony that is coming forth as you write with no hint of bitterness.

    I’m glad you’ve found a kindred spirit in Kristy at this time. You both have experienced things I have heard of but could never imagine personally.

    I am 40 years old, and sadly have heard of many Christian marriages that have failed, but your situation has touched my heart more so having “seen you” grow and mature on ylcf, and knowing of your heart for God.

    Hang in there, Natalie, you shall come forth as gold.
    Claire

    6:38 AM
    Anonymous said…
    Dear one,
    Know that I am praying for you during this terrible time. The beauty will indeed be restored and your story, even without details, will minister to many. I have a close friend who is struggling to trust in her courtship, for fear of having her heart broken through unfaithfulness — not because of the man himself, but because of her own fears. I know that your experience will serve as a powerful reminder that only God can fulfil us and that, even if He chooses a broken heart for our path, His will is perfect, even if we do not always see it that way.

    Thinking of you at this time,
    Jane

    6:55 AM
    Anonymous said…
    Natalie, I’m praying for you! I cannot imagine the grief you’ve been through and I would never wish to go through what you have but I can say, even when it seems like its not-Gods love for us abounds more and more everyday, thank you for sharing.

    “There is no pit so deep, that Gods love is not deeper.”
    Corrie Ten Boom
    In Christ, Beth Anne

    6:56 AM
    Olivia said…
    I’m praying for you, Natalie.

    7:09 AM
    Beloved of God said…
    Bless you dear girl, and bless you for having the strength and selflessness to point towards the goodness of God even in your own sorrow. I’ve been encouraged by YLCF for a couple of years now and I keep reading because of the incredible character, purity and faithfulness of you girls which is such an inspiration to me. Bless you, dear one – you are right, God will carry and continue to uphold you!

    8:24 AM
    Rebekah Dickinson said…
    Hi Natalie
    I am a reader from the UK. I did wonder through the past 6 months whether something like this had occurred although of course I did not know.
    It is difficult to not say something trite when you have faced such pain but I am praying and thinking of you very much. Sometimes like Job’s comforters we can be too full of words.
    Only to say…thank you for your excellent example to us all. YLCF has helped me a great deal since I started reading here in 2005. I feel that I know you, Gretchen and Lanier although I have never met you.
    Love Rebekah

    8:29 AM
    Rebecca said…
    Natalie, I just wanted to tell you how much I hurt for you. I’ve been crying since I read your first post. I’m praying for you, for complete healing…

    10:05 AM
    Anonymous said…
    Natalie you are in my prayers and have been. I feel so sorry that this has happened to you, but I pray that God will bring good of it in what seems a hopeless situation. Thank you for being honest with us; it took a lot of courage and I deeply respect that. Even though I have never met you, I mourn for your loss and pray for God’s strength and encouragement in your life.
    with love, your sister in Christ,
    Christine

    10:09 AM
    Jennifer said…
    I’m a long-time lurker, but I want to comment on this post just to say that you are being prayed for, Natalie. May the comfort that our God has given you continue to grow each day and in all of the unique ways that you will need it.

    Blessings, dear sister!
    Jennifer in Canada

    10:11 AM
    Anonymous said…
    Oh Natalie! I cannot even imagine what you must be going through. I am lifting you up in prayer to our precious Lord, and would offer you this verse of encouragement:

    Psalm 30:5
    “For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”
    Please know that you are in our prayers daily.
    Anonymous

    10:37 AM
    Lara said…
    Blessings on your healing, and on your journey, dear Natalie. Yes, God is good, but sometimes it is so hard to see where He is leading us, and sometimes, as terrible as it sounds, to even trust that He wants the best for us! Be patient and gentle with yourself, for the road will be long. I admire your trust in the darkness, for I have been there too.
    Hugs,
    L

    10:41 AM
    Miss Deb said…
    Natalie, please know I am praying continuously for you, and God is using these posts in my own life.
    May our Savior hold you ever closer.
    Much love in Christ,
    Deb

    10:53 AM
    Melissa said…
    Dear Natalie,

    I was saddened beyond words to hear of your situation in yesterday and today’s posts. My heart just breaks for you.

    Your strength and courage in facing this with your heart firmly held in Jesus hands is so beautiful and amazing. I cannot even imagine having to walk your path.

    Know that you have hundreds of “sisters” around the world who, even though they have never met you in person, love you and are praying for grace to be poured liberally upon you.

    You truly are a diamond in the Lord’s crown.
    With compassion,
    Melissa D.

    11:09 AM
    Jane said…
    Dear Dear Natalie:
    I will write a more personal note to you, i promise that, but for now i just wanted to say these things. My heart breaks for you, it aches that you were so hurt..You are the most amazing woman of God..you are God’s loving sweet child..HIS bride you are..And how how you weathered the storms of life and how you passed through is amazing…YOUR giving glory to God with this is so inspiring. Your love for God is evident..and i give you so much credit for this. I know for one i would never be as strong as you in this situation…but God gives us all different burdens to carry..some that you carry i’d never be able to carry and some that God gave me wouldn’t be fit for anyone else.
    My heart has been heavy since reading all this…But I praise GOD for what HE has done in your life this year…HE has made you grow into the most beautiful “Flower” HE and only HE will help you dance again…You will dance, not in the same way not like in your youth..but yet you still will dance with God’s loving touch and help and comfort.

    I wish to say so many more things, but i don’t deem it appropriate in this forum…thanks to the wonderful urging of Gretchen in the beggining of the post. I thank you Gretchen for giving that warning.

    Natalie you will always be in my thoughts, heart, and my prayers.

    I will write you again either today or tommorow in a more personal way on the contact form.

    WE love you Natalie..We all do.

    And you inspired me so so much with your reading the bible in 60 days..and your encouragement of me on heartthoughts retreat i’ll always treasure. thank you!

    And one last thing Natalie, you’ll be missed so much here on YLCF..i can’t wait for your return whenever God wills for this to happen.
    I miss you already.

    take care sweet dear one!
    I’ll pray for you tonight!
    Blessings & so many hugs to you!
    Talk soon..
    bye!
    To God be all glory!
    In Him, Jane.

    11:16 AM
    Laura in Idaho said…
    I am praying for you, Natalie. (((hugs)))

    11:21 AM
    Andrea said…
    My hope and prayer is that you continue to rest in the Lord, trusting, waiting, and listening. I remember once crying out to God, “Why!? How long do I have to stay in this place, God? Why won’t you let me out?” and all I heard was…”Be still. Let Me hold you. Trust ME. This is for your good.”

    It really hurt where I was at, at that time. But steel cannot be forged properly without going through the flame…

    Natalie, prayers to you to heal your heart, your soul, and your mind. Prayers that, if it be the Lord’s will, down the road, that someone will love you stronger, harder, and as Christ loves us, so that you won’t be alone for long.

    Many prayers, sweet sister. My heart aches for you.

    11:26 AM
    MaureenE said…
    God bless you and keep you Natalie. We’re praying for you.

    12:01 PM
    Ella said…
    Natalie, your words have made me teary-eyed, though your revelation is not new. You are in my thoughts and my prayers almost daily. May the Lord continue to be your guide; may you feel that you are being held in the palm of His hand.

    And I hope and pray that one day you will dance again!

    12:03 PM
    Vanessa said…
    Thank you for sharing, Natalie. I will be praying for you.

    12:13 PM
    Anna Naomi said…
    Natalie, I have been and will continue to keep you in my prayers! I know this has been hard to share, but thank you for your honesty and passion to point to our all-sufficient Savior. The way you have kept focused on Him and trusting in His plan through the hard times has been an encouragement and inspiration to many, including me.

    God’s richest blessing to you!

    1:18 PM
    Sarah said…
    You will be in my prayers, Natalie.
    Love in Christ
    Sarah

    3:22 PM
    Leah said…
    my prayers and thoughts are with you, natalie!

    5:45 PM
    Anonymous said…
    Oh Natalie,
    You amaze me. I have been a reader of this blog for some time. I watched you get married and my heart broke as I read this last post. I looked up to as a role model. I must say, seeing you go through this has significantly rocked my faith. But the way you are facing this is amazing. Thank you, my precious sister in Christ.

    6:23 PM
    Laura said…
    May God continue be with you with His love and strength Natalie.

    7:06 PM
    Anonymous said…
    My heart is echoing with “whys”, Natalie. Not ABOUT the situation, but why such a nightmare had to happen to you.

    You are very much loved, dear. The Lord bless you and keep you… I pray that you will feel His love shining down on you and that your dance, though altered, will continue to bring Him glory.

    7:18 PM
    Anonymous said…
    Prayers for you Natalie. Jesus wept. He weeps with us.
    Love,
    Beth

    7:42 PM
    Stephanie said…
    Natalie,
    I cried when I read these posts. I cannot imagine the pain you must be enduring…not even close. It is amazing to me to see the pure, refined love for the Lord that shines so brilliantly from your words. Your testimony brings so much glory to God…I’ll be praying for continued restoration of joy. I love you in Christ, sister!

    8:56 PM
    Bisceglia Family said…
    I don’t know of any words powerful enough. I hardly can fathom what you must have gone through. But my heart is with you and my tears are falling for you and my prayers will be with you. I admire your attitude through this, it would be so easy to become bitter toward God. Because it is true, if we hadn’t loved so deeply we wouldn’t feel such pain. Oh Natalie, may the prayers of hundreds hold you up, and may you rest in the palm of God’s hand.
    Love,
    Janna

    9:07 PM
    Anna said…
    I am truly sorry for your loss.
    Dare to hope. We’re daring with you.

    9:59 PM
    Anonymous said…
    I have been reading this blog for a while and never left a comment, but now is the time. Natalie, my heart aches for you. I pray that the joy of the Lord would be your strength and that in the midst of the pain you would find sweet communion with Him that sustains you. I pray that He would speak words of life to you each day that would fill you with hope and joy. May His hands touch you with the healing balm that only He can give. I am praying.

    10:18 PM
    Elizabeth said…
    Natalie, I’ve missed your posts at YLCF! I had no idea that this was the reason for your absence. I pray that you would find support, not only on the Internet, but that dear ones would be near to physically put their arms around you and pray over you. Here is the verse I thought of for you:

    24″Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.-Matthew 7

    10:21 PM
    Anonymous said…
    You are in our thoughts and prayers. May God pour his blessings out upon you and give you His peace.

    Monica

    10:32 PM
    Katrina Marie said…
    Dear sweet Natalie,
    I have just read the last two posts and am reeling from the news. My heart is breaking for you. As others have said, even thought we’ve never officially “met” face to face, I feel I know you to some degree, so to hear of what you’ve been enduring all these months makes me weep along side you. I’m so very, very sorry to hear of your loss, your grief, your pain. But yet, in the midst of the thorns, your testimony of what God is doing in your heart and life stands out like a lovely, delicate lily braving opening its bloom to give its fragrance to the world.

    There are no words to say that could possibly be of comfort in such a time, unless they come from the Lord Jesus Himself. Therefore, rather than trying to compose trite words of paltry consolation, I am committing to pray for you and to ask that our Savior continue to uphold you and with His strong right hand.

    “Whom have I in heaven but Thee?
    And there is none upon earth that I desire beside Thee. My flesh and my heart fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
    Loving you from afar,
    Katrina

    10:47 PM
    Jessica Carr said…
    Dear Natalie,
    Though we’ve never met in person, I sent you emails in the past inquiring about your books. Your writings on ylcf have encouraged me so much through the years. You are a shining jewel in our Father’s crown. I was heartbroken to hear your news while reading this post. I want you to know that you are in my prayers. Our Father carries our tears in a bottle. He knows about us. May He comfort your heart during this time. I admire your strength in Him, dear one. You’ll be in my prayers.
    Love, Jessica

    1:29 AM
    Lisa of Longbourn said…
    Many years ago I had a friend who suffered a miscarriage. Her faith, her gentle, tearful trust in her Savior at that time has remained an image of strength in God.

    Yours is very reminiscent. I know it is by the grace of God that He has upheld you and enabled you to write these words, to believe these truths, and to keep hoping.

    I especially liked what CS Lewis said. He comes to mind a lot when I hear people saying they’re afraid to love because it will hurt. God hurts, and God loves; I think He invites us to join Him.

    But not alone. We’re all here with you, Natalie. Everso grateful that we have a God who can communicate our hearts in compassion to you wherever you are.
    To God be all glory,
    Lisa of Longbourn

    1:58 AM
    southeastcountrywife said…
    well done, my fellow traveller. due to my lack of phone and internet, i only just now got to read both posts. i am glad to see some beautiful comments here for you. (((hugs)))

    5:27 AM
    Stephanie said…
    Natalie – Though we have not met, I consider you to be a dear friend and sister in Christ. You are in my thoughts and prayers. No, there are no words to say with which to bring comfort. But I do know that you do not walk alone.
    Love to you in Christ, dear one.
    Stephanie

    6:57 AM
    Anonymous said…
    Dear Natalie,
    As everyone on here seems to be, I’m shaken and heartbroken for you. I’ve read YLCF for years now and felt that lately “something” was not quite right. I am SO so grieved for your loss and pain and the darkness it brings to your life.

    I am and will be praying for you and for your complete healing. Thank you for sharing so that we may pray with you and learn with you of God’s leading. One Psalm (which I can’t remember which right now) speaks of His footsteps and then His “way in the sea”. No one can trace footsteps on the rough waters, but He’s still there leading faithfully. So I know He will do for you, dear sister.

    May you be blessed. We all love you!!

    7:55 AM
    Anonymous said…
    Natalie,
    I am sorry to hear what you are going through. With all my love and prayers.
    A Sister in Christ,
    Carla

    7:59 AM
    Taffy said…
    You have always been an inspiration and you will always continue to inspire me..I am sorry about the pain you are going through and I will pray for you.You may not realise this but your life is a testimony of God’s grace..and you have touched many lives with your ministry blog even people like me who reside in Africa, Zimbabwe to be precise….Your tears are not in vain because you have sowed into people’s lives so you will one come rejoicing bring in the sheaves…I love you.

    8:40 AM
    Renee said…
    Natalie…
    I remember losing a loved one.
    I remember crying bitter tears that scourged my face.
    I remember wondering.
    I remember thinking the tears would never dry up…and then wanting to cry but not having any more.
    I wanted to give up.
    Despair.
    Somewhere in that darkness.
    Instead…I knew, as I know you do…
    that GOD LIVED in that utter darkness.
    I KNOW, KNOW, KNOW…with tears in my own eyes…
    that you will not just survive, you will DANCE. Why?
    Because our God is a DANCE MASTER.
    The steps of the dance you used to live are gone…maybe never to be danced again…but new steps are beginning, all over again.
    I just had this beautiful picture come to mind.
    A woman…sad, heartbroken…standing in a meadow of flowers, head bowed, hands clasped…a Man…gentle, kind, King of her heart…reaching out, smiling, his strong hand holding hers…they begin to dance again. She stumbles a bit, unsure, uncertain, scared.
    He holds her up.

    I love you Natalie. And it is my comfort, knowing how much He cares for you.
    From my heart,
    Renee Pratt…an old friend

    9:37 AM
    delightinginhim said…
    Natalie,
    I only wish we could all come and surround you with a great big hug right now but this will have to do….we love you and are thinking and praying for you often. I cannot imagine the fire you’ve been through but I know our Father will uphold you!

    11:31 AM
    Jessica said…
    Natalie,
    You have been in my thoughts and prayers since reading your first post. As others have said, my heart aches for you. I thank you for being such a shining example of a Christian through all of this. I have admired you in the past, but now do even more. If I was there with you right now I would give you a hug, but since I can’t, here is one– ::hug::
    I will continue to keep you in my prayers.
    God will fix what the locust have eaten.
    Love,
    Jessica

    12:03 PM
    Anonymous said…
    God bless you, Natalie.

    Thank you for being honest with us. You did so with much grace and strength.

    I am sure that you feel a great need for the presence of Christ in your present circumstance. I have prayed that you will feel a fresh anointing of His on your day.

    I wish I could say and do more, but all I can do is wish you the very best as you go on into the future with this new – albeit unexpected and unchosen – beginning.
    C.

    Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men [and young women] stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
    –Isaiah 40:28-31

    Blessed is the man [or woman] who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
    –James 1:12

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